Dr. Stephen Stosney defines emotionally abusive behavior as anything that intentionally hurts the feelings of another person. Since almost everyone in intimate relationships does that at some time or another in the heat of an argument, emotionally abusive behavior must be distinguished from an emotionally abusive relationship. An emotionally abusive relationship is more than the sum of emotionally abusive behaviors and can be identified by one party systematically controlling the other through:
If you feel you are being emotionally abused in a relationship, you can take the Walking on Eggshells Quiz. If the score indicates that you are "walking on eggshells," the following course of action is suggested: "Recovery from an emotional abusive relationship requires removing focus from repair of your relationship and your partner, and placing it squarely on your personal healing. The good news is that the most powerful form of healing comes from within you. You can draw on your great inner resources by reintegrating your deepest values into your everyday sense of self. This will make you feel more valuable, confident, and powerful, regardless of what your partner does. It will give you the strength to seek a relationship in which you are valued and respected."
If you think that someone you care about is in an emotionally abusive relationship, gently approach them about the situation. Offer your assistance and a listening ear, and be careful not to criticize them or the person who is abusive; criticism may cause defensiveness and withdrawal rather than the desired result of movement away from the abusive situation. Ask the person how you might be able to help them and suggest the services of a professional therapist to assist them. Help the person to recognize their strengths and love them, even when it is difficult for you to understand their actions.
The effects of emotional abuse are not always easy to see. Nevertheless, the effects and scars of emotional abuse are just as real and damaging. Short-term effects often include feelings of shame, anxiety, hypervigilance, and powerlessness. The individual may also question one's culpability in the situation and feel manipulated or like they are "walking on eggshells." Effects that are more long-term include depression, frequent fearfulness, anxiety disorders, withdrawal, low self-esteem, an inability to trust, emotional instability, and feelings of being alone or trapped.
There is treatment for emotional abuse. Treatment most often comes in the form of professional psychotherapy. Many times, the person who has been abused is dealing with overwhelming and sometimes confusing emotions about themselves, the abuse, and the abuser. Therapists can assist people in handling these emotions, identifying unhealthy thought patterns, learning healthy coping strategies, developing strengths to avoid or escape emotionally abusive situations, or repairing damage done by abusive relationships.
The U.S. Department of Justice defines sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Forced sexual intercourse, sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape all fall under the category of sexual assault.
It does not matter if you flirted, were intoxicated, or said "yes" at first and then changed your mind. NO MEANS NO. If you did not consent to sexual activity, it is considered assault.
It's hard to know what to do, how to feel, or what your options are after a sexual assault. Please know that you're not alone. The "Rape, Abuse, Incest and National Network" (RAINN) developed a list of steps to take after sexual assault. They are as follows: Your safety is important. Are you in a safe place? If you're not feeling safe, consider reaching out to someone you trust for support. You don't have to go through this alone. If you are in immediate danger or seriously injured, call 911. What happened was not your fault. Something happened to you that you didn't want to happen" and that's not OK. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673). You'll be connected to a trained staff member from a local sexual assault service provider in your area. They will direct you to the appropriate local health facility that can care for survivors of sexual assault. Some service providers may be able to send a trained advocate to accompany you. When you call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, a staff member will walk you through the process of getting help at your own pace. You can also visit this website to chat anonymously.
If the assault was recent, ensure that your friend is safe first. After safety is established, encourage your friend to get help. They should visit an emergency room immediately to receive proper medical care for (and documentation of) the assault. Medical personnel will also be able to assist in contacting the proper authorities if your friend decides to file a police report. If the assault was not recent, listen to your friend without judgment, provide support, and remind them that you care about them and will help them throughout this process. Additionally, encourage your friend to meet with a therapist to discuss the incident and determine ways to work through the damaging effects of the abuse.